Marriage and emotions

It was towards the end of the wedding when it was time for the bride to bid farewell to her family and follow her new found husband

Marriage is defined in the dictionary as the legally excepted relationship between a man and a woman in which they become husband and wife. In each part of the globe, marriage varies from something simple like signing papers at court, to lavish ceremonies lasting for weeks. Cultures and traditions of people are depicted in weddings and just by attending, you get an opportunity to explore them. Whatever the way a marriage is performed, be it by a ring as in Christianity or the sindoor on the women’s forehead as in Hinduism, in the end its significance is the same.

Marriage is an important social institution. Its form and functions change according to change in culture. Hindu marriage is a religious sacrament in which a man and a woman are bound in permanent relationship for the physical, social and spiritual purpose of sexual pleasure, procreation and observance of dharma. The emotional relevance of marriage to the parents of the bride and groom is extremely strong. Along with the two couples, their parents and relatives merge into each other through the marriage, forming another big family.

Throughout Hindu mythological history various gods and goddesses have been mentioned to be tied in this sacred knot. Lord Shiva and Goddess Parvati were wed in the Himalaya amongst the audience of all Gods in the Swasthani (a holy book). The Ramayan mentions that Lord Ram and Sita got married in Janakpur. Like King Himalaya, King Janak also could not help fulfilling the ritual of giving away his daughter to Lord Ram. Again, in contrast to the sorrow of bidding farewell is the happiness of the parents to see their daughter enter into her own family life. The place is Janakpur where the marriage took place and a beautiful park has been made there, recreating the marriage scene.

To abide by the customary marriage function we do not have to go too far for it can be seen in Nepal. Once again, the marriage season has set into the lifestyle of Kathmandu. The sounds of the band playing their instruments alongside a procession of people are quite often seen in the streets. Almost everyone at this time of the year has a wedding function to attend. Travelling across the town one can see houses lit up with the wedding fever and decorated beautifully for this happy occasion. It is fun to attend wedding parties and ceremonies for you are not just able to wish the new couple a happy married life but at the same time be a part of their joy. While attending the parties in which there is a lot of merriment I have seen some of the most touching scenes.

Throughout the long preparation for the marriage alongside shopping for clothes, jewellry, furniture and various other goods the emotions are always on a rollercoaster. Parents of the bride busy themselves with various tasks avoiding the ill truth and it is just before the night of the wedding they finally realise their daughter is leaving. When that thought hits them it feels too hard to bear and like many others in the past, they can only try to console themselves. Although from the day a girl is born her parents know she is to leave them one day to follow her husband, it is at this moment that the full impact stings them.

According to Hinduism, a man is indebted to his father-in-law when he marries. This is because when a man and woman get married the father of the bride must give the daughters hand in marriage to the groom. To be able to get rid of the debt the man needs to give birth to a girl. It is only when he as a father performs the same ritual as his father-in-law had that the debt is paid and a heavy weight is carried off from his soul. Therefore, in a marriage when the father gives his daughter’s hand to his son-in-law, Kanyadan (Kanya meaning girl and dan meaning giving away), it is considered to be the most important ritual of the whole ceremony.

However this aside it was one particular wedding where I was able to witness the most emotional scene that can be possibly imagined. It was towards the end of the wedding when it was time for the bride to bid farewell to her family and follow her new found husband. Although the rituals to which these two had been proclaimed as one was over in her heart the new bride still had not realised the full trauma of leaving her house until this moment. As her parents gave her hand to the groom, she at first followed him. After a few steps, the bride broke away from her husbands’ arms and ran to her mother who tried to hide the tears that welled up in her eyes and placing a stone on her heart with one hand she hid her eyes and with the other, she waved the girl back to her husband.

The young man so taken aback with this moment looked at the bride’s mother, with a simple nod held out his arms, and called her: her movements however showed that she did not know what to do. Here she was at the boundary of her life. Just beside her mother was the single man who had ruled her life: her father. He stood there and a single tear fell from his eyes to the ground. Could she be able to forget all that to follow the man she loved? Maybe: but do not be in such a hurry said her hands: just wait a little and let me gaze a little longer at these dear parents of mine who, until I met you, were all I had to live for.

As she looked that side of the boundary, she saw the place where she had spent all her life until now and she did not want to leave. Slowly the other side came into focus. There was her future and he was calling out to her. His gestures showed that life required that she too should be a wife and a mother. And all this went on amidst the sound of the people around them and the band playing in the background. Finally having kissed her parents, she ran a few steps and without looking back followed her husband into the beautifully decorated car. He hurried her off and as the car drove off, she had known from the time she was born, the gesture he gave was of sweet promises of the future. This whole scene was so captivating that I just stood there for moments simply spellbound.

While all this happened, a play came into my mind. Sakuntala, a famous play written by Kalidas in Sanskrit and later translated by the great poet Laxmi Prasad Devkota in Nepali.

It perfectly demonstrates these emotions. One has to read this piece to be taken by the full intensity of the last point in the marriage, the farewell. Sometimes one fails to understand such points in life but like a rose and its thorns one must take life with its happiness and sorrows.